Desperate Departure
by YaoiFreak4Life
Summary: With Tessa & Jems wedding closing in Will's absence from the institute has no one concerned, except for Jem that is. He believes it to be due to him and Will's actions the night before his departure, the unspoken night of unholy confessions. Will Jem understand his feelings before he finds him? Will x Jem
1. Chapter 1

**Desperate Departure chap 1**

_(jem x will & spoilers for Clockwork Prince)_

Raking a hand through his silver hair Jem sighed deeply. He had ceased his attempt for sleep long ago since the rapid beating of his heart would not seem to simmer. Surprisingly this wasn't due to his illness; for once he wasn't lying awake in pain, thinking of his untimely death but of something much more interesting. He thought only of Tessa, his betrothed and his dear friend Will.

Months had passed since he had proposed to her; he smiled at the recollection of her wide sea gray eyes in shock as he bowed on one knee and nervously bore his heart out. The proposal was a rash but joyous day, a giddy memory since he had shared his love for another and finally had it returned.

Now as he lie awake he wished his heart to calm but knew it wouldn't, especially knowing that his marriage to Tessa Gray was becoming a reality in exactly one week's time. He was elated by the thought of it all however there was one aspect that prevented him to ease into slumber and that factor was Will.

Will had gone missing yet again from the institute; it was a normal enough occurrence for him to leave and return as he pleased however Jem felt something was truly wrong with him this time around, already 7 days had passed and still not a word.

This notion was produced by his parabatai's actions the night of his departure. Jem was concerned at first but didn't cling to that memory the following day, believing that Will would find his own peace by the time of their next encounter. Yet his worry only worsened when he noticed Will's empty seat at the table the next day.

The night of Wills departure was like any other. After supper they had all retired to the library. Charlotte sat by the fire reading over old documents from the clave, Jessamine was parading her supposed feminine duties of pressing flowers from the garden into a heavy book while Jem had sat with Tessa in the far off corner listening as she recited her favorite poetry. Jem wasn't as fond of poetry as she was but there was just something about the way the words flowed from her that caused him to become completely absorbed in the lyrics escaping her lips. Tessa's sweet melody sang the words as she recited its text to him, he found complete harmony as they sat together by witch light. Everything was as quiet as it should have been, the occasional crackling of the fire, a sigh of frustration from Charlotte as she arranged the vast work load, and of course tessa's soft voice and yet in the quiet Jem could feel an air of distress coming from somewhere in the room. As he looked up from Tessas book he realized Will was in one of his moods that day. His temper was predictable, even entertaining at times however it was different, he seemed truly bothered and to make things even odder Jem had noticed Will's gaze kept falling on them. He had imagined he could have had yet another falling out with Tessa but noticed that she seemed completely content, happy even, as her eyes danced on the pages. She couldn't have had anything to do with Will's behavior; she was much too ignorant of his current foul mood. So then what could it have been?

As tessa flipped the page jem noticed she had leaned closer to his side, their arms gently touching, and felt her body tense as a blush began to bloom on her cheekbones. Never before had he witnessed her bodies reaction to her own boldness but Jem simply sent a tender smile in return as their eyes made contact. He had only a moment to revel in her beauty before he heard the disturbing sound of wood harshly screeching upon wood. He noticed immediately that it was Will who had escaped, leaving heavy footsteps behind him. No one seemed to notice at all as Will left the room, they were all accustomed to his frequent hostility but he quickly spotted the tense set of his shoulders as he quickly made his way out. In moments Jem excused himself from Tessa with a credible pardon, and followed the heavy thump of Wills boots as he dashed through the institute.

"Will, Will wait up" he called. Yet Will never broke his stride he simply continued his trot until he slipped his way into the empty study. As Jem neared the door he quickly grabbed his witchlight stone from his coat pocket and clenched it firmly allowing just the right amount of illumination to distinguish his surroundings. Slowly, Jem pressed his fingertips to the cold wooden door and waited a moment before pushing it open and causing the shadows to scatter.

"Will are you in here?" he called as he closed the door behind him. For a moment the room remained silent that is until a darkened figure slipped away from the shadows and called out.

"Jem? What are you doing here?" Will asked, genuinely surprised at seeing his parabatai.

"Following you apparently. What is the matter Will?" Jem replied

"Nothing"

"You know there's no point in lying to me Will"

"Since when does James Carstairs pry in my business?"

"Since your business seems to involve me"

"You always were too observant James" Will said with just a hint of a smile. Jem couldn't help but smile in return.

"So what is this about Will?" Will turned to him in that moment and aimed his gaze at his patient parabatai but Jem knew he wasn't looking at him, his mind was elsewhere.

"Jem do you remember the day we met?" Jem's brows furrowed in confusion before he answered.

"Of course I do Will." Will smiled once more at the memory.

"Do you remember what I told you the night you won your first sparing match against me?" Jem studied Will for a long moment, trying to distinguish the point in these odd questions, but as far as he could tell Will didn't seem to know either. So instead he tried his best to keep him entertained.

"How could I forget? You nearly dented the wall after you pushed me into it. You said 'I swear by the angel one day I will make you mine'" Jem chuckled for a moment recollecting their beginnings.

"And sure enough you did. For every match we had after that day you were always victorious"

"That is… until now" as their eyes met Jem couldn't seem to hide the obvious confusion growing within him.

"Will what are you talking about?" With an exasperated sigh Will deftly made his way him, roughly griped his arms and pushed him up against the nearest table. The sudden attack caused Jem to drop the witchlight, leaving them alone in the darkness.

"How is it that you, the brightest and most pure soul, does not understand this. At some point all you did was read me, now look at us. Jem… James why can't you see?" Will held Jem firmly in his grasp, and spoke in the gentlest tone Jem had ever heard. All Jem could do was stand in silence, awaiting Will's revelation.

"I swore I would make you mine… but it seems I couldn't keep my promise. I may have won many battles but James you were the only prize worth fighting for. I just couldn't seem to gain victory on the battle of your heart"

"Will…" Jem froze in place as the silence lingered between them. Will had confessed his love of all things and Jem wasn't sure how to feel. Although his heart had some idea, for it was fluttering like the frantic wings of a hummingbird. How did he feel about Will? Of course he was fond of him, as bitter and sarcastic as he could be Will's heart was pure, his smiles genuine and loyalty unrivaled. Will had been by Jem for years, never taking pity for his illness only challenging him more. Will meant everything to Jem, he'd gladly give his life for his safety, but what of Tessa?

"Jem, please say something." Still the silence grew. Will did his best to concentrate on his breathing and not at the thought of kissing his best friend.

"Will… I am getting married" Jem said quietly in return. He could feel the hold on his arms loosening and knew the look on Wills eyes even if he couldn't see them, they were turning cold, shutting down, losing sight as his world fell. Yes he'd seen that look before but he swore never again.

Gripping Wills collar Jem pressed his lips very close to what he believed to be Wills ear and whispered gently.

"Please don't tell her" it was the last thing to escape him before he wrapped his arms around Wills neck and claimed his lips together.

Will quickly placed a palm on the small of his back and entangled a hand within Jems hair as he took control of the kiss. The kiss was sloppy and desperate as if they were running out of time for this moment. Jems hands were pulling Wills hair from the roots pulling him in deeper and as their lips pressed again and again together Jem couldn't help but run a hand along Will's lovely jaw and down his neck, he smiled at the feel of goose bumps forming beneath his fingertips. In return Will boldly slipped his tongue in causing a quiet moan to escape Jem as Will glided his tongue along his teeth.

"William…" Jem moaned as Will pushed him down on the table and moved from his lips to his neck, licking the tender skin beneath the collar.

"Say it again" Will breathed against the heated skin.

"What?"Jem asked before letting another moan slip out as Will ran his tongue along Jems jaw and nipped his ear.

"Say my name" Will replied a little more huskily.

"William, William" Jem moaned over and over as Will's lips and hands danced along his fragile body.

"Master Jem?" Will and Jem froze as a familiar voice drew closer.

"Sophie!" they whispered in unison. Immediately they began to mend their mussed hair and clothes. Jem gathered the fallen witchlight and grabbed Will's arm and threw him onto the nearest seat while in sat opposite of him, just in time to look non chalant as Sophie gently knocked and let herself in.

"Oh I didn't realize you were together. Please excuse me, I apologize for the interruption."

"As you should be" Will coldly replied while Jem sharply glared at him.

"Not at all Sophie, is there anything we can do for you?"

"Well yes indeed there is, I've come to collect you. Mrs. Branwell is in need of you and Will's opinion on a small clave matter."

"Please tell her we will be there shortly" And with a curt nod she was gone.

"Will I… I don't know what to say" Jem said as he rose shaking his head

"We could just lock the door and you can continue to say my name" Will replied displaying that devious smirk.

"Will… forgive me but we just can't…_ I_ can't"

"I already know James. No need for apologies, at least I had the opportunity to go out like a falling star." Will said as he rose from his seat and caressed Jems cheek. With a small smile Will leaned down and kissed Jem longingly. As if savoring the last of the velvet feel he had only dreamt of.

Jem sat motionless for a moment as he felt the tender touch. He was mesmerized not only of the softness of Will's lips but of the gentleness that was so unlike Will. It was warm and inviting, not hungry like before. Unable to help himself he reached up a hand and placed it on Will chest, careful not to startle him but curiously awaiting his reaction. To his surprise Will didn't flinch like some wounded animal, he stood his ground and continued to silently cherish Jem as he felt his heart beat wildly. Within seconds the kiss ended leaving a saddened Will and a mystified Jem. At least until Sophie returned moments later to remind them of their necessary presence in the library.

If only then had Jem known that this kiss was not only their last but also Wills final good bye. Perhaps if he did he wouldn't be up all night thinking of his missing friend, or imagine his heavy footsteps in the hall or even crave the feel of that last kiss.

"Will…" Jem whispered in his darkened bedroom. Will had engulfed his mind and he couldn't control it. So instead of sleeping the worry away he did the only suitable thing. Throwing his sheets aside he gathered his garments and headed for the door.

"I'm coming"

**Sooo any thoughts my friends? **


	2. Chapter 2

As Jem scoured the dark streets of London he couldn't help but imagine the worst. Will always had an alarming fondness for self-destruction. As he made his way to Will's favorite pub he began to wonder why he was doing so in the first place. Will was practically a grown man, he may seem like he needed him but did he really? Surely if he had he would've asked Jem to come along to keep him out of troubles way, no matter how unsuccessful he was. Nearing the street to the pub Jem stood for a moment wondering just what he would say to his dear friend if he had found him. Would he apologize, punch him or embrace him? Perhaps all three would suffice.

Jem's heart contracted at the thought of meeting those sad blue eyes once more, but it had to be done. He needed to understand what was going on with them. They had been close for far too long to stop now. He wouldn't be able to handle the loss, especially not after his first encounter with heartbreak, that wonderfully painful day when he arrived at the institute and met Will.

Only a few years had passed since he had joined his new family at the institute, Jem closed his eyes as he remembered how frightening he found the London scene upon his first arrival, with its constant gray sky and hectic atmosphere. He recalled the many sneers and glares he had received on the way due to his appearance; his ivory skin, oval eyes and once dark hair. It was all so foreign to him, so odd compared to the Shanghai institute nonetheless he was welcomed with open arms by the Branwells and upon that warm welcome he met another resident that lived amongst them, a young William Herondale.

From the very beginning Jem was dumbstruck by Will. He was but a boy around his age, just as tall and lean but bore the beauty of a young maiden. He found him breath taking by his round boyish face, black curls, and striking azul eyes. Right away Jem had noticed that the boys eyes had the beauty and fragility of vibrant blue pansies after the rain and it didn't take long for Jem to be lost in them.

Will was difficult at first; his aloofness towards the others made it hard to communicate with. Jem would find himself watching the others boys every move, holding his breath whenever he entered a room and occasionally even starting simple conversations while they studied in the library, however Will would answer no more than what was necessary to the question asked without ever meeting Jems gaze. He seemed comfortable behind his wall and after some time Jem grew content with his unsuccessful methods to bring it down.

After awhile Jem began to wonder if he was destined to be alone in this new land despite having another adolescent living under the same roof. However, as time passed and Shadowhunter training progressed Jem could see the real Will begin to unfold. Whenever training ensued Jem would take note of the brightness of Wills eyes, and how absorbed his entire being became whenever a demonstration was given.

As Charlotte taught them the basics the two silently practiced their balance, agility and weapon handling. Before long they were forced to work together, instructed to spare whenever Charlotte was unable to personally direct them, too busy attending Institute business. At first Jem hated the thought of sparing, never before had he ever made contact with another's body besides his parents embrace. He was unsure of how it would feel to touch another with whom he had no relation too but it wasn't only that that bothered him, he was also troubled by the idea of hurting Will or himself. He wasn't as strong or sturdy as the other boy, he knew that it wouldn't take much to take him down but he fretted at the idea of Will disliking him if he actually attempted to fight back. Jem would spend most of the sparing time dodging every attack Will would throw at him, his fluid movement's greatly resembled smoke whipping around him. The only times Jem showed any human likeness during the fight was when he would suddenly stop and crumple into a coughing fit. But no matter how times that awful incident would occur Will never looked down at his ill partner or ran off at the sight of blood as it sometimes sprayed from his pale lips. He would simply kneel beside him, tightly griping his shoulders as Jem shook in his arms.

Despite the pain his illness caused him he began to grow content knowing that Will would be by his side even through the worst of it. Jem began to find strength from Wills hidden kindness and soon commenced on fighting back during training. Right away Jem noticed a smile begin to form whenever Will was able to top him during a fight and he would even pass off a snarky remark whenever Jem was able to perform a practiced lesson without flaw before he could. With every passing day Jem realized how much he looked forward to training with Will and as their schooling progressed Jem even noticed how much Will shared the sentiment.

It wasn't long before he fell in love.

As the years passed Jem watched as Will grew into adulthood, the boyish appearance suddenly turned rouge but it made him all the more alluring. Jem continued to admire him as they grew to become companions, then to parabatai soon after and Jem felt like he had been truly blessed to be a part of the one person he adored the most since he had joined his new home.

One of Jems favorite moments were when him and Will would sneak out onto the roof of the institute and watch the stars above. Counting, and wishing and laughing as they recalled Henry's daily trinket disasters. He loved to hear the laugh that made his heart quiver. On one particular night Jem had been feeling down, it was the night after the Lightwoods daughter and Will had a row. In all honesty he found himself embarrassed for the poor girl. Will had humiliated her so blatantly in front of everyone simply because she fancied him. It was cruel as it was amusing.

However on that night as he sat on the roof top alone Will crept from behind and sat beside him silently hoping Jem would confide in him. Jem wasn't sure what to say knowing that if he opened his mouth his greatest secret would be revealed and he too would be mocked.

"Your angry with me aren't you James" Jem looked up at him, Will hardly ever called him by his proper name.

"Not particularly" Jem replied looking away.

"Its about the Lightwoods isn't it? Forgive me, it was crueler than I intended. If its any concillation I hadn't imagined her fool of a brother be involved. I hadn't meant to make things worse, but he was attacking me." Jem almost laughed at that.

"Will you broke his arm."

"I was avoiding his blows"

"You snapped his arm cleanly in half"

"Yes… yes I did." They both made eye contact at that moment and exploded into laughter. Will was reckless but at least his stories were always intriguing. After the laughter subsided Will reached for Jem hand and gripped it hoping to get his attention.

"Jem," he said after clearing his throat. "All things set aside I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way." Jems heart beat so hard against his rib cage as Will looked deeply into his eyes, his touch remaining. Will never talked to anyone the way he talked to Jem. He never apologized or sought to comfort anyone else as far as Jem knew. And for a moment Jem knew he couldn't hold himself back his heart was so desperate for Will, he _ached _for him. It was becoming almost unbearable.

"Will, promise me something."

"Anything" Will smiled genuinely.

"Whatever happens please do not hate me." Will looked confused at that.

"Why would I ever be cross with you?"

"For reasons"

"My, that's vague. Come on speak up." Jem quickly looked away at that and brought his knees to his chest hoping the barrier would prevent Will antagonizing gaze. Will noticed immediately and Jem could see a smirk creep along his mouth. Will wasn't going to simply ask. He was much too tenacious for that. In moments Jem realized he was staring up at Will, his dark hair matching the night sky above. He had hurdled himself on an unexpected Jem and was now pinning him down hoping for a proper answer.

"Will get off, your heavy" Jem whined. Will wasn't heavy in the least but Jem knew if Will was pressed up against him any longer he would surely feel something unexpected between them.

"Not until you tell me" Rolling his eyes he compromised.

"Get off and I will" Will hesitantly removed himself and sat across from him as Jem sat up and straightened himself out.

"So?"

"Oh look at the time, I should really get to bed" Jem yawned at a pathetic attempt to leave Will. Will simply gave him an incredulous look as Jem stood up and began to make his way to the rooftop door.

"Jem, come now. That's not fair" Will replied as he grabbed for his arm, holding him in place.

"Will I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because you will not want to be parabatai afterwards."

"Jem nothing you say or do will ever change what you mean to me, our souls are joined." Jem turned back to his friend and offered a heart breaking smile.

"I can only pray that you are true to your words William." And with that, Jem inched closer, his heart racing with every breath. Once close enough he proceeded to tilt his head upwards, until he was a mere millimeter from Will's face. He could feel Will's sudden intake of breath on his lips and Jem's heart completely came to a halt.

However this sudden pain was different, his wasn't the normal reaction to Will. Jem felt his body burn as he lost his sense of balance and collapsed into Will arms.

"Jem, Jem! Help, Jem's not breathing!" He heard Will call as he escaped into the darkness of his mind.

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